Lessons From My 5 Day Silent Meditation Retreat
Wouldn't it be nice to meet someone who totally understands you and just gets who you are?
Guess what.
That person is you.
Last year, I went on a 10-day silent meditation retreat. This year, I went again, but for five days. Five days where everything familiar gets stripped away. No talking. No eye contact. No technology. No reading. No writing.
Nothing to do except tend to the one relationship we neglect most: the one with yourself.
When I tell people about this, their jaws drop. “Oh my god, I could never… that sounds like torture.” And yes, sometimes it does feel that way. But here’s the irony: what looks like torture from the outside actually becomes a pathway to freedom on the inside; the kind of unconditional freedom we're all chasing in our day-to-day lives.
Most people think it's crazy for me to willingly sign up for this. I can't say they're wrong. But to me, it's the best kind of crazy. Because what feels even crazier is how much time we spend mastering everything outside of us (i.e. how to run faster, climb the corporate ladder, learn AI software), while spending almost no time mastering the one operating system that matters the most: our mind.
That’s what mindfulness teaches you. How to meet yourself. How to see your own patterns. How to live from a place that isn’t so reactive.
And in doing that, you don’t become a more productive human, or a more impressive human, you become a kinder, more present, more alive human. You stop needing external conditions to line up perfectly in order to feel okay. You realize it’s all about how your mind relates to and shapes every single experience we have.
Because beneath all the chasing, busyness, striving, and achieving that typically fill our days is something profoundly simple: the desire to feel good. To feel alive in our own lives. To know that we matter.
And all that begins with presence.
When you enter a space that’s filled with identityless strangers, nobody’s trying to win, nobody’s competing, nobody has anything to prove. Everyone’s there trying to become the best version of themselves. And there’s something deeply moving about that shared intention.
Since coming back, everyone asks me, "So…how was your retreat?" It's a loaded question with no clear answer, but I'm struck by how desperately I want to share this experience because what I discovered feels too valuable to keep to myself. And every time I stumble to explain it out loud, I realize writing is my way through.
The Constant Tug of War
Even as I attempt to write, I'm struck with both excitement and resistance, the same feeling that defined most of my retreat. As a matter of fact, if I could describe the retreat in one phrase, it would be: a tug of war. (kind of how life sometimes feels, huh…)
Between “I’m so happy I’m here” and “I can’t wait for this to be over.”
Between “I don’t know if I can do this?” and “I’ve got this.”
Between “I don’t want to do this.” And “I can’t believe I just did that.”
The point isn’t to resolve the tug of war. The point is to see it. To recognize that this is simply what it means to be human.
Revolutionary concept, right?
What Happens When Everything Is Stripped Away
Here are a handful of my tangible takeaways, pertinent observations, and nuggets of wisdom:
You are supposed to think. Thinking isn’t a problem. Just as your eyes see and your ears hear, your mind thinks. Do not blame yourself for your thoughts. Notice how frequently thoughts appear and disappear, like clouds passing in the sky. Thoughts only become a ‘problem’ when we start chasing their stories. Instead of saying "my mind," try saying "the mind." This simple shift takes away the personalization and changes everything.
Stop fearing change. The only constant is impermanence. We spend so much time being in resistance with reality, but reality always wins. For example, how many moods do you have throughout one day? Do you ever stay in the same mood all day? Of course not. To have a human experience is to always be changing. **It’s not change that we should fear, but our idea that things shouldn’t change that we should fear. Because if we are afraid of change, that means we are always living afraid. Mindfulness teaches you how to stop living afraid.
Multitasking makes you feel unwell. Neurologically, every time you split your attention, you skip over the brain’s pleasure centers. The constant toggling between tasks spikes stress hormones and causes you to miss the dopamine reward of completing one thing, which eats away at your wellbeing. Multitasking robs you of presence, cutting you off from the richness of the moment so instead of tasting the fullness of life, you skim over it. No wonder we all feel perpetually depleted.
Worrying is often useless. So many of our thoughts are rooted in worry. On the retreat, I worried constantly. If I go for a walk now will I make it back in time for the next session? Will I make it through this next meditation session? Will the food on my plate be enough to ensure I stay full? Every single time, I was completely fine. 10/10 times my worry never materialized and even if it did it wouldn’t have been a big deal! Worry is just the mind’s way of keeping busy. It wastes energy and consumes the present moment. Remember, when we are truly present we realize that if it weren’t for our thoughts, we would be okay. I once read: “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.” This hits.
Presence absorbs anxiety, waiting feeds it. We live with a constant focus on "I need to get somewhere." This is a trick of our mind to postpone or delay relief. I often caught myself clinging to the anticipation of the bell that would end each meditation. But I realized the relief didn’t actually come from the bell, it came from the fading away of my wanting. The second I heard that sound, I let go of wanting or waiting, detaching from the idea I needed to be ‘somewhere else’ and instead became fully present. When our focus is solely on ‘what’s next’ we create a lot of unease, overwhelm, and agitation. When our focus is on presence we create calmness, confidence, and ease. I want to ask you, what’s the “bell” in your life, the thing you’re waiting for before you let yourself feel okay?
We are ruled by our identities. At home, I’m a coach, a daughter, a friend, a CEO. On retreat, none of that matters. No one knows if you're the boss, the parent, the wife, the overachiever, the people-pleaser. Under these conditions, you give up your 'historical' self and get to see everything so clearly, unbounded by expectations or stories. Without labels, you engage in the rare experience of meeting yourself as you are, whole, capable, human. If you could step outside of your titles, who would you be? And maybe an even more important question to ask is, who do you want to be?
Success is simpler than we think. We’ve been conditioned to believe that success comes from our accomplishments, achievements, external validation. But true success is internal. It’s learning how to be where your feet are. The type of fulfillment we crave from so called achieving ‘success’ is only something you can cultivate from the inside out. It’s not a goal or future place, it’s finding joy in the ordinary. It’s being present enough to notice the sunset each night, to recognize the many people in your life who appreciate you, to feel the breath that keeps you alive.
You are stronger than your fear. There is no better feeling than overcoming a fear that once stood in your way. The things that feel like obstacles, resistance, doubt, craving, aren't your enemies. They're signposts showing us where we're stuck and where we have an opportunity. Every time you face these things without running, you remember your strength, you get to feel how powerful you truly are, and ultimately, you get exactly what it is that you want.
There is no such thing as being ready. We are so focused on needing to be good at something that we never begin. Readiness never comes. Instead you have to allow yourself to be a beginner. Mindfulness teaches you this. It allows you to begin again and again and again. On retreat you discover that mindfulness doesn't have a goal, like dancing, the point is just to dance, not to reach a specific spot on the dance floor. This is your sign to do the thing you want to do without being so attached to the outcome or result.
From Retreat to Real Life
Retreats end. Silence breaks. Life resumes. But the practice stays with you.
Because the wisdom is portable:
When urgency grips you, take a deep breath. Most urgent thoughts can be calmed with a few breaths.
When worry strike, ask yourself: “Would I be okay if it weren't for this thought?”
When change feels scary, remember: You were built for adaptation.
The point isn’t that I spent five days in silence. The point is that life itself is always inviting us to pause, to notice, to remember what matters.
At the end of the day, we’re all after the same thing: to create lives we actually love living. And that doesn’t start with doing more, it starts with being awake to what’s here, now.
That’s why I became a keynote speaker and a coach. It's why I built a business around connection. Because connection isn’t just a practice, it’s the doorway to making your dreams your reality.
